I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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