We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is the high leading the old right now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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