I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize