I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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