What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize