Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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