You smell like a Billy Joel song
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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