Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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