He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How does it feel to date your dad?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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