I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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