Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
