HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
