So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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