the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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