he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I checked into jail on foursquare
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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