The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
