First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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