At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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