She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
