I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please