covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC