it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.