Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

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(347): We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job http://tfl.nu/wtkj

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(440): View more from Ohio

He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim

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(440): He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim http://tfl.nu/dc24

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(214): View more from Texas

so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings

(1-214): View more from Texas

dont u have athletes foot?

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(214): so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings (1-214): dont u have athletes foot? http://tfl.nu/a028

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.

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(859): I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze. http://tfl.nu/hayj

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way

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(250): I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way http://tfl.nu/xurx

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(631): View more from New York

lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon

(1-631): View more from New York

wow.

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(631): lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon (1-631): wow. http://tfl.nu/6n98

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(619): View more from California

i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already

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(619): i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already http://tfl.nu/q3zb

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(406): View more from Montana

We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.

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(406): We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class. http://tfl.nu/2kxo

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks

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(610): He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks http://tfl.nu/aq4e

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(925): View more from California

At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way

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(925): At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way http://tfl.nu/fo4u

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(443): View more from Maryland

you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend

(703): View more from Virginia

You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.

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(443): you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend (703): You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence. http://tfl.nu/no32

Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (427)
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(850): View more from Florida

So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?

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(850): So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant? http://tfl.nu/queo

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(209): View more from California

Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)

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(209): Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar) http://tfl.nu/xy0l

Replies (4) Good night (1372) Bad night (299)
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(516): View more from New York

My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?

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(516): My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently? http://tfl.nu/xsqm

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(907): View more from Alaska

I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.

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(907): I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream. http://tfl.nu/8o4c

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