There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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