Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize