im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean