at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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