Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
