garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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