Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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