you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
