dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
