I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
