I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
