LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
