mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I FOUND THE LEGS
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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