Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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