My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i out mim tonsoeep
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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