i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
