She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
