is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
