Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
