I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
