just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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