She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
