there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
