I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
