Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
