So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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