DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
