I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
