I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
