Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
