That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
