His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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