Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
