Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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