we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
