Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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