oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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