Buhtt sex?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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