I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
