If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
