Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
