just tell him i said nine months
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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