Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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