Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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