You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
