you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
