just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
