We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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