after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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