Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
