So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You smell like stripper and shame
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
