whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
