EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
