lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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